As I drive down the street towards my work, it dawns on me that I will have to wind down my window to use my security pass to get into the carpark. What if he jumps on me, commando style from above the window?! I'm hyperventilating as I wind the window down at the speed of light and swipe my pass and wind it back up again at an equally impressive speed of light. Down the driveway and park in my spot. The spot next to me was empty so I grabbed my bags, threw the door open, leapt out and quickly shut the door. I walked carefully around the car, having decided that he must be destroyed (sorry spider lovers). There was no way I was going upstairs to sit in my office all day knowing that this beast was inhabiting my car somewhere.
I walked around the car twice. Nothing. WTF? Then I have an idea. I open the boot lid and there he is. Sitting there. Looking at me. Guns drawn. Without taking my eyes off him I reach into the boot and grab a shoe (you just never know what I've got in my car boot). I whack him with the shoe and he scurries through the boot opening and into the back seat. GARH! Not on my watch! The door on the side where he scurried could not be opened unless I wanted the imprint of a yellow pole in it, which I did not. So ever so elegantly I'm leaning into the car and pulling everything out of the backseat - shoes, matchbox cars, booster seats and then I found him. And then I smashed his head into oblivion and opened the door ever so slightly and flicked him out.
It was at this point that an old colleague pulled into the carpark and walked up to me (me with the contents of the car on the floor, wearing stillettos and with a sandshoe in my hand, hyperventilating). "Hi! How are you doing? I haven't seen you in ages!" "Well yes, I'm going really well, isn't that obvious".
Did I mention I don't like spiders?
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I totally get you on this! I had to get over my crippling fear of all spiders when I moved into the in-laws place in the bush with the worlds biggest spiders...but if they take me by suprise, watch out! I had a particularly hard time once, 1 a week on my car for three weeks...I almost refused to drive my car after the third! And on one of those occasions it actually bit one of my passengers on the leg and his whole leg swelled up for a week, so there is no way I would leave one in my car. Just knowing it's there is enough to stop me getting in the car...it could spring out at any moment and attack me! (ok, so I know they don't do this on purpose and come after me but it feels like it!)
ReplyDeleteGood on ya for hunting that spider down and taking out the trash on him!
LMAO - This is classic and I can totally picture this all happening. I know Joe was once driving along a night and saw a huntsman on the windscreen - he jumped but wasn't too worried as it was on the outside - until it walked onto the dashboard - still don't know how he didn't crash the car that night!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was 4 or 5, I was sitting in the car, watching my feet and minding my own business, and I saw this huntsman come into the car from the bottom of the door, and start crawling up the door (and later across the ceiling). I screamed. Dad pulled over to the side of the road, because small child screaming in the back seat is not good, and asked what was wrong. I explained, and asked how a spider got in through my closed door. And you know what genius father does? Rather than saying that it was probably hiding under a seat or something (because, he now claims, he thought that would scare me, because there could be a spider under there any time, just waiting to come out), he says "Oh, they can flatten themselves and climb in through the gaps in things like car doors." Thanks, dad. That wasn't a scary concept at all. I wouldn't get back in the car without a struggle for weeks. And now, the two things I'm most scared of while driving are sneezing (look, you blink, and your whole body jerks forward, and it's just not safe), and a huntsman crawling under my door and up my leg.
ReplyDeleteI like pretty butterflies, and lady birds, but I HATE spiders! Kill as many as you want, NC.I'll be right behind you.........
ReplyDelete*shudders, totally incapable of speaking or typing*
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