It occurred to me whilst folding laundry (oh I lead an exciting life, I do), that someone should have given me a list of things to do before having children, and if I could cope with those things, then I was more likely to cope being a mother.
This is my list but feel free to add any recommendations!
- Fill a squirty bottle with urine and spray throughout the house and car (it's a smell you really need to get used to)
- Shove a biscuit/piece of toast into any available opening - such as a vcr (if you still have one)
- Smear your work clothes with wheat bix immediately before you leave for work
- Leave matchbox cars, marbles and other random toys throughout the house and navigate the walk to the kitchen in the dark without hurting yourself
- Buy an industrial sized washing machine and dryer
- Read a children's books whilst mentally somewhere else
- Love craft and be able to turn an egg carton into various animals using only the contents of the pantry (and incidently I have 2 boys hassling me to 'make fish craft' right as I type this)
- Empty a bag of sand into your car
- Take a couple of puppies to the supermarket and make sure puppies don't destroy anything or wee on the floor
- Dress an octopus
- Set an alarm clock to wake you up at regular intervals during the night. At one of those times, empty a container of curdled milk all over your bed and the carpet and then clean it up and change the sheets.
- Play a Hi5 cd on repeat in your car, and your house if you can.
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Good list.
ReplyDeleteThe people who say "we're going to get a dog before we have kids so we can start getting prepared" have no clue what they're talking about.
That's hilarious Julie! We're just going through the toilet training now, joy of joys - there's only one room with carpet and of course that's where they often forget to use the potty... it's also lovely when they get a bit excited and stand up before they finish on the potty.
ReplyDeleteAs another friend said not long after Lucy was born, "It's a unique stage of life". That it is. Lots of great memories too, but tiring and hard work.
Congrats on the new job - hope it all goes well and that 2010 is a much better year.
Go to a public toilet and describe in a loud voice exactly what is happening in your cubicle.
ReplyDeleteEvery meal time, randomly throw bits of your meal on the floor, including eating out.
Wet a lollypop, rub it all over your face, hands and arms and then try to remove the stickiness with one tissue and saliva.
Once a day, unroll the toilet paper on to the floor and then roll it back onto the roll.
There's so much I wasn't told about!!!!
Brilliant list!! So true!
ReplyDeleteCan I tweak number 6 a little ... how about 'Read shitty children's books with poor plots repeatedly. As in EVERY night'. I have actually Salvo-ed a few recently because I can't stomach reading them anymore...
ReplyDeleteWelcome back :)
great list - yes we need experience in all of those things to make it as a mum! sad hey but true :) Naomi
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